My kids do NOT come first. I come first, then my marriage, then my kids! Don't forget what you had that gave you the strength and courage to expand your love. You had kids because you had extra love to give. Don't take love and attention away from what you had and replace the love that was strongly placed in yourself and your partner with your kids. It is unhealthy to make your kids your world. They will be self-absorbed as a result. Kids need to see a successful, loving bond so they can have healthy relationships with others and theirselves. I know my belief isn't popular, but neither is being in an amazing relationship for 11 years with wonderful kids. You come first!